A shamrock stringed around my neck.

2009-11-26T00:43:00.000-08:00

Hey I'm thinking of closing this blog so if you want to continue reading my posts get an account at LIveJournal,com and add josephmurray. :)

The address is josephmurray.livejournal.com

2009-11-17T04:56:00.001-08:00

I can't wait to hate you.

Please just get out of my life and stop making me upset. :(

A thousand apologies to ChunMing for pissing him off unintentionally.

I WILL RETURN YOUR EIGHT BUCKS TOMORROW. PROMISE!

2009-11-15T05:21:00.000-08:00

My sleep cycle is fucked up.

I went out with Shumo and got home at 4 in the morning and watched the first season of SaTC with him till about 5.40am, before I went to bed.

I got out of bed at 3pm.

:/

My poor brain.

2009-11-13T16:39:00.000-08:00

Paranoid activity.

Great! I got home at 2.30am last night and I did not get any sleep.

I was so scared. I kept myself fully blanketed, neck to toe, and that made me sweaty and I couldn't sleep. What made things worse was that I kept tucking myself in at the sides and putting the blanket folds under my body because I was so scared that my blanket would get lifted up by some invisible demonic force and then my mom would get up from bed and stand by the foot of our bed and start looking at me.

My mom got up for work at 6am and that was when I decided that I wasn't going to be very brave so I got out of my bedroom and went to my MacBook and played some music to take my mind off Paranormal Activity.

2009-11-08T07:33:00.000-08:00

Sorry for all the pictures but I had to take a picture of them before they get disfigured by my carelessness.

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!

I don't think I'll bear to wear them.

I LOVE MUD TOO MUCH AND I CAN'T RESIST SPLASHING IN MUD WITH THEM.

True Emancipation.

2009-10-31T01:34:00.000-07:00

I downloaded a song that I heard while we were driving in your car from the Great World City, again, after deleting it because it reminded me of us.

It doesn't have the same effect no more.

Ma, you're annoying me.

2009-10-29T09:01:00.000-07:00

My mom likes to scurry pass my room, hoping to catch me jumping (because she thinks I might be doing something that is forbidden. Like watching porn or web-camming with total strangers.)

Mom, you're annoying me.

2009-10-26T09:07:00.000-07:00

I am happy.

But I need to take it slow.

:) :/ ?

2009-10-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

I think I'm going to change this blog skin soon. It's getting a bit too bright for me! (not that I'm becoming any darker of a person.)

Its really fun putting up three blog posts a day! One is for here, the other two for Livejournal (although both are unseeable unless you're my friend over there and the other is unseeable even if you're a friend. You have to be privileged. :) )

Tomorrow's mass lecture day and I hope that I won't lose my attention so easily! Had better pack some snacks so I can pay attention nom.

2009-10-19T04:35:00.001-07:00

Saving up for Lisbon!

Almost halfway there! Roughly seven hundred now. :)

2009-10-17T00:39:00.000-07:00

"What about China, have you seen the Great Wall?"

"All the walls are great... if the roof doesn't fall."

2009-10-16T10:01:00.000-07:00

I was in the shower listening to Selmasongs (It's a fantastic album!) and I was thinking about that particular blog post I did.

I realised that I was being a complete idiot.

Most guys that look like that are not virgins. Girls too. Airbrushed, emaciated and contorting their iddy widdy out of proportion bodies.

Whenever I watch TV or when I'm in the cinema and when I see this actor/actress, I'd be thinking if that person is actually virginal.

Well I don't think they are.

It makes me sick. People who fuck around for fun. What happened to saving all your love for someone?

Sheesh those stupid male models in Cleo and Seventeen. They are so butt-fucking ugly. I'm sorry. I really think they are. Why do you think that's hot?

Do you think that they will be good husbands? Why are you people worshipping them like they're some kind of god and watching videos of them doing stupid things like doing dumb dares and talking like babies? They are brainless.

Disgusting.

I'm so sorry if I offended you with this post but I think it's all pretty true. What do you think those 'hot' blonde, skinny and cigarette butt stubbing male models are going to be like in 10 years? Think about it.

Sigh.

Why is EVERY single one of my friends obsessing over their figures and thinking that their fat/not skinny enough/unsatisfied with their bodies?

Like WAKE UP. No one gives a damn how you look. I don't give a damn about how you look. And if there are people who don't talk to you because you're fat/ugly/whatever, it's their problem. Why would you want to be friends with them?

You're 17 and you're in school for heaven's sake. You're not 20 and a school dropout at 15 who became a model and needs to constantly diet and smoke and weigh themselves and pinch their abdomens to check for flab.

Why are you doing this to yourself? I mean, if you're overweight, its alright to lose weight because its good for you and it'll help improve how you see yourself and it makes you more confident.

But you're below 50 kilos and you're almost 170cm and you want to lose MORE?

What are you out of your mind?

Do you really want to look like those people in the magazines and sell stupid products and spread the word that EVERYONE out there, every single teenager who doesn't look like you, should obsess about how they look and starve themselves?

Please stop it.

It's hurting me.

2009-10-15T04:19:00.000-07:00

Met up with Shelby at Mad Jack's for brunch today, then followed her to her job interview.

On the way back there were a couple of *** (*) guys and they just kept saying fuck.

There was almost a fuck in every single sentence.

My holidays are coming to an grinding halt! :(

2009-10-15T04:18:00.000-07:00

Woo I don't believe I've left my blog alone for so long before!

Any its the sixth hundred and sixty sixth post. :/

Shall continue on the sixth hundred and sixty seven.

2009-10-05T10:06:00.000-07:00

During my birthday weekend I have:

1. Drunk: 4 pints of Heineken

A bottle of wine from Italia (fuck him)

2. Eaten: An Irish Lamb Stew

1/4 of a Merlionster @ B&Js (I think I ate 1/3 of it. Hehe!)

Carpaccio (Raw Beef) @ Some really good Italiano place (fuck him again)

Oxtail Soup @ Ayam Penyet place at Lucky Plaza

Ayam Penyet @ Ayam Penyet place at Lucky Plaza

4 Buns at 1:00am

3. Met: 1 Hongkongster (JM)

2 AMKsians HAHA (Van and Christian)

1 Aiyoyo (LiQi)

1 Mother

1 President of the Scrabble Association

1 Italian (Fuck him)

1 American Yoga Instructor

1 British Senior Civil Servant

4. Mouthed: A Guiedo and a tirb

5. Said Fuck: 47 times

6. Spent: S$147.12

2009-10-05T09:44:00.001-07:00

I find it so hard to smile.

I feel like someone hammered poles into me and hung ten-pound weights off the ends.

My eyes are constantly wet. But nothing falls out when I blink.

When I place my palm on my thigh, I don't feel any warmth.

It's just really cold.

I find myself staring into spaces.

Like the gaps in between window grilles.

The little notches in my necklace.

Like holes in my heart.

How many holes can you have in it, before it just snaps into two?

How many more steps do I have to take to get to you?

How many more people am I going to meet before I feel your warmth?

How many more hands am I going to have to hold before I see those words come out of your mouth?

2009-10-05T09:31:00.000-07:00

I feel... really... weird.

I'm just not angry enough to scream at the top of my voice on the balcony on the top storey of my house, but I'm angry enough to start crying.

I'm just not sad enough to bury my face in my pillow and let it all out, but I'm sad enough to frown.

I feel... really weird.

2009-10-02T09:14:00.001-07:00

I've been neglecting this blog - Posting a lot on my LJ.

Anyway here are some gifts I have received.

Dad: S$50

Mom: Dinner treat @ Xin Wang and S$100

Massimo: Hickey on the right side of my neck

Step-Dad: Place

Cheah: Double Scoop Gelato on a waffle (plus the scoop from his Affogato) @ Sixth Avenue Venezia

2009-09-30T09:10:00.000-07:00

Its tomorrow!!!

2009-09-29T01:35:00.001-07:00

Talking to Afonsi over skype.

2009-09-22T22:50:00.000-07:00

I'm revisiting my many pasts.

Digging through albums of old photographs and watching old shows that I haven't seen in years...

And I can't believe I was that small!

2009-09-20T10:27:00.000-07:00

Back when we were at Sixth Avenue.

One more chance, please?

2009-09-19T10:41:00.000-07:00

The weather's nice and cool for once. And the room temperature is actually at the exacted room temperature for once!

Saturday has been yet another weird day. But it's probably one of the days I will remember when I look back on my holidays.

I do this thing every time I wake up. If I brought my cell to sleep next to me in the night, I would turn in on in the morning and put it on the pillow next to me, and wait for the vibrations to come (signifying that a message had been received).

And I did this this morning.

Peter messaged, asking me over.

So I went.

Whilst chatting with glasses of water and 20th century classical music playing (not a big fan since I stopped associating myself with classical music!), time flew by.

He brought out some old disks and the air was occupied with husky, emotive jazzy vocals.

Singers that should not have died so early but unfortunately already turned in their graves, Nina Simone, Chet Baker and Sarah Vaughan, and almost Billie Holiday, but it was dinner time and since he did not have sufficient food and was extremely reluctant to leave his home, I was sent off.

And I went to have mutton soup. But I could not enjoy it because of an ulcer on the left of my lower lip.

Speaking of which, I actually tried salting my ulcers for once today. It didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would.

I am now indulging in Bjork's Post and I promise that I'll go to bed as soon as I'm done with it.

2009-09-18T22:46:00.001-07:00

2009-09-16T09:58:00.000-07:00

I am turning 18 in one year and 15 days!

and I'm turning 17 in 15 days!

I don't usually get a lot of presents (I'll be surprised if I get anything more than the three angpows from my parents + 1) but here're some things I really really want to own. :):)

Econo (less than 5 dollars):

I don't know! Something handmade? The thought counts more to me, actually. A nice card with a heartfelt message is a lot better than a back massager (Oh gosh) and a nice friendship band is a lot better than a piggy bank (I've got too many!).

EconoPlus (more than 5 dollars, to ... 20):

I need more wardrobe! And I would love it if you could make tee shirts for me. As you all know I love Bjork and Mariah and I would love to wear them around on a tee shirt!

I would SOOOO kill for a tee shirt with this picture of Bjork on the front. Pictures of Mariah will do too! But please don't print pictures of her scantily dressed or in pink or purple because I'm really self conscious...

What else!

A nice set of green earphones will do too! Cute buttony ones.

Music Albums too! I would LOVE to own one of Bjork's CDs, or a Mariah CD that I haven't bought. I want to own this album too!

I really want to own a disk by Shania Twain, Rachael Yamagata, Norah Jones, Liz Phair or Adele too!

Business Class (20 dollars to 50):

If you are really thinking about buying something from here, you must really love me. And I'll love you too. :)

Some music albums might cost a little more than 20 because they might be rarities, like Bjork or Liz Phair. Some more clothes maybe? I don't know!

First Class (above 50 dollars):

WHOA you must really love me! I just want a green iPod Classic or Nano. It'll do. Really. :) I don't ask for much.

It doesn't have to be green. I can always paste a skin over. :)

In case you are lost and don't know what to buy me, anything with a three leaf or four leaf clover will do, and I like green! BVOOMZ. Anything distinctly Irish will do too.

Sigh I got my hopes so high now! Please don't let me down... :(:(

2009-09-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

Love you guys!

2009-09-14T03:37:00.000-07:00

How can something so yellow, the colour of happiness and the colour of cheesecake cause so much pain!

2009-09-12T11:43:00.000-07:00

Why did things have to go so wrong... :(

2009-09-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

Alright its mid-month and end of the week!

Just came back from a fun, fun day with Christian, Liqi, Chunming and Vanvanvanvan and Melissa (who had to go home early :( ).

Here are some pictures!

Yeah so it's been a really, really weird month so far. Lots of soul-searching, heart-mending and self-discovery done.

And I've been chugging a lot of beer lately.

*BARP*

Give me, give me, my mug of rummy,

Believe me, believe me, rub my tummy!

2009-09-07T11:38:00.000-07:00

The quality in my blog posts have been dropping.

It has been a really weird week for me.

I remember waking up at noon last Monday to an empty house. No one was home.

I put on some jazz and sat on a stool under my shower.

And I closed my eyes and felt every stream of tap water meandering down my back, feeling the warmth they brought with them.

I looked up at the heavy jet of water coming down on me and felt it pummel my face.

I felt like I was being cleansed. Not of sweat and dirt, but of contempt and negativeness.

I laid on my bed, looking at the ceiling.

Looking at the mental images of love found, happiness and contentment scrawled all over it in yellow.

But then, the yellow just faded and other colors, red, blue, green and orange just started running onto the wall from all corners.

I wince.

It looked pretty for a while.

But then it just all started mixing together.

And it bled to a dull shade of black.

I looked away and got dressed.

I go out to town alone, browsing through literature at Borders, and I have a double scoop of Ice Cream at Gelatissimo.

Sweet, yellow, dotted with black seeds, slightly sour and tangy.

Rich, thick, dark brown. Chocolate-y with a strong bitterness.

The brown tasted delicious. Sweet and strong and overpowering.

And then I took a spoonful of the yellow.

It was sweeter than the brown and had a sour aftertaste. I chew on the seeds.

I return to the brown.

I was flabbergasted by the sudden, sharp bitterness. With the sweet gone, the bitterness had so much depth.

There's so much you can learn from a cup of ice cream.

2009-09-03T22:56:00.000-07:00

I am bored.

Liqi is overseas and she didn't even say goodbye!

Soon, Chunming will be in Genting and Olivia and Christian are working and Vanessa's going to start work soon and Nawira's working at MCYS and Yanjing is working at John Little and ... :(

2009-08-31T09:53:00.000-07:00

HAHA I think I was doing a duet with Christian here.

Can't remember what we were singing. Hmm.

HAHA I LOVE OUR DEAR AIYOYO's FACE IN THIS PICTURE.

Not-so-pretty singing shot!

WOO! I hope we do this again. :) I wish Yanjing and Olivia and Letticia and the rest were with us. :(

2009-08-28T11:44:00.001-07:00

I feel that my blog is just lacking in something.

Maybe its the layout. Maybe its the content. Maybe its the design.

Hmm.

2009-08-27T10:24:00.000-07:00

Got new albums by Madeleine Peyroux, Melissa Etheridge, Diana Krall, Lauryn Hill, Lisa Stansfield, and I'm hoping to get some Imogen Heap onto my iTunes.

2009-08-26T12:24:00.000-07:00

LOVE YOU GUYS!

2009-08-25T11:23:00.000-07:00

So I started my work stint on monday evening... Didn't go too well.

The main reasons why I quit was because the pay didn't warrant work that was so menial and demanding. Five dollars an hour to scrub every nook and cranny in the kitchen? Are you fucking kidding me?

Maybe I didn't like it because I was dispatched to the kitchen, while Chunming got to the front 'desk'. But I don't think he had a good time though. Although he described his experience as 'tough' and all that, I thought that he hadn't seen the worse part of it yet. (Sorry CM but although you might find cooking and cleaning less demanding but I definitely would have preferred the outside job.)

Despite all that sweat and pain, I managed to pick up a lot of experience. I now know what goes into a meal at ****** ***** and I hope people who ate what I cooked didn't get food poisoning or anything like that.

NEXT JOB!

2009-08-22T22:42:00.000-07:00

Soooo yeah I got in hot soup with my mom (I so need a hot tub now.) for going out every single day and coming home at 1am.

And to make it even worse, I even stayed out one whole night, without her permission.

But all is fine now. After all, I am going to support her when she grows old and since my sister's estranged and my dad has his foot in his mouth, looks like I'm the only one going to do it.

So she can't disown me.

And its quite funny to note how I stop getting scared when she's all angry. I laugh. Maybe its because she doesn't scare me anymore or just seem relevant enough to matter to me. hee.

2009-08-20T10:14:00.000-07:00

Where I'll be residing, for a while.

2009-08-20T09:57:00.001-07:00

Why would a bird that had been released from its cage, refuse to leave?

2009-08-18T21:55:00.000-07:00

$$ Woes.

I can't believe I just turned down an invitation to go out, the main reason being me not having enough moolah!

ITS ALL THAT STUPID SHIRT'S FAULT.

Anyways I'm really hungry and maybe I could use some alone time after spending 5 days in a row with t106.

2009-08-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons why I love you. :)

2009-08-16T00:44:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry to bring down the mood of the blog after the last post but I really need to get this out of my system.

I was feeling really, really down last night with the same ol' person again and I thought sleeping it off would work, but I had a really interesting dream about that person.

I was with that person (let that person be x), and x had to run off because someone called x and x left and as I have a really bad habit of peeking at people's message inboxes when they're gone. So I read x's messages.

And just two nights ago, I had this dream that Nawira was belly-dancing, and I was with a very old flame (who has just reappeared in my life).

Dreams?

2009-08-14T11:30:00.000-07:00

I don't like how my tagboard is so un-updated.

And Chunming was talking about how un-wordy my blog has been so I'll try to do a wordy post.

Maybe I'll get the tags after doing that!

Get ready for an ultra cheesy and mushy post!

So yeah its the last day of school. Got Speech Communication done and over with. I don't know why but I felt slightly tear-y when Ms. Delyse was saying her goodbyes. Speech Communication tutorials was one of the only chances when we were allowed to interact freely as a class. We were actually allowed to talk to each other across the room... unlike most lectures and tutorials, when it was actually stricter and more like Secondary school classes.

I know I'm not supposed to blog about such things and its kinda sensitive so I'll try to not add in the sensitive stuff.

But yeah it was where we all gathered as a class, alone, for the first time, with our dear Lecturer Advisor, and where we poured out our heartfelt concerns and past grievances, and it was where we started opening up to each other.

I'm actually really proud of being part of a really close knitted class. We aren't split up into our own mini cliques and duos or trios or quad-os.

I can actually be fine with having dinner alone with ANY single one of my classmates and carry out an easy, 2-sided and interesting 10 minute conversation. And that's actually really amazing for me!

I am really, really happy to be in this class with all of you. I know I had my doubts and I once dreaded this class (during induction day) but its become another home for me, another safehaven.

I don't know how I could have gotten through this semester, without

Vanessa,

ChunMing & Christian,

Wan Xuan,

LiQi,

YanJing,

Huimei,

Olivia,

Nawira,

and Rachel.

Thanks so much for being there for me when I was down (not only the people I mentioned! but all of you, really. These people are just people in t106 I spend more time with, online, outside, in class, or whatever.)

Although we have our differences and do not agree with each other, we still managed to melt into a whole t106 conglomerate.

I'm not sure if more than 3 t106-ers read this blog but I just want to know that I really love all of you, and thinking about the day when we have to part, it just makes my heart wrench.

(this delightful collage was done by Angelo's Final Speech Comm. Presentation group I think)

And this song's for you, t106!

2009-08-13T08:30:00.000-07:00

I want to know what love is.

2009-08-11T09:27:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry if she's short and petite and has a flat chest.

I really relate to her as I feel that I can really connect to her and her music, not to mention that I adore her quirky and cooky personality.

She just puts so much effort into her music and weaves in irony and several different meanings into a single song lyric.

If you ever get close to a human

And human behaviour

Be ready to get confused

There's definitely no logic
To human behaviour
But yet so irresistible
There's no map
To human behaviour
They're terribly moody
Then all of a sudden turn happy
But, oh, to get involved in the exchange
Of human emotions is ever so satisfying
There's no map
And a compass
Wouldn't help at all
Human behaviour

And I'm sorry that radio doesn't play her (other than on Gold 90.5fm and Class 95Fm) but she is definitely an umpteen times better compared to your Disney acts and manufactured bubblegum shit, of which you hear almost 24-7 on the radio.

And if you have doubts about her fanbase you should look her up on Google before making a rebuttal...

2009-08-09T22:06:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Ievan! :)

2009-08-06T08:59:00.001-07:00

Bleep. I should make a Tee with this on the back.

2009-08-04T06:21:00.000-07:00

This bout of flu isn't too bad after all. My eyebags are vanishing and my skin is improving and I think I'm a lot happier! :)

2009-08-01T23:06:00.000-07:00

I guess the only way to get you to run to me is for me to be lying on a hospital bed in a critical condition.

And I would have to tell whoever's next to me that I want to see you one last time.

But you probably wouldn't even come.

2009-07-31T23:44:00.000-07:00

Topshop, G2000, Calvin Klein Jeans and Esprit and Starbucks and a wardrobe malfunction and a misfire from Wanx's water bottle.

2009-07-31T23:37:00.000-07:00

I really don't feel like talking on the phone
And I really don't feel like company at home
Lately I don't want to do the things I used to do
Baby since I lost you

And I don't want to sing another love song, babe
I don't want to hum another melody
I don't want to live my life without you babe yeah
It's driving me crazy

I really don't feel like smiling anymore
And I haven't had the peace to sleep at all
Ever since you went away
Baby my whole life has changed
I don't want to love and I don't want to live

And I don't want to sing another love song babe
I don't want to hum another melody
I don't want to live my life without you babe yeah
It's driving me crazy

I don't wanna laugh, I don't wanna play
I don't wanna talk, I have nothing to say
I don't want to tour, forget this show and how can I go on
Now that you are gone

And I don't want to sing another love song babe
I don't want to hum another melody
I don't want to live my life without you babe yeah
It's driving me crazy

2009-07-31T09:44:00.000-07:00

I'm lacking behind in blog updates so I'll keep updating (this'll be the last one!). Joshua S. is so nice. :)

2009-07-31T09:39:00.000-07:00

I really hope I grow up to be something like you, dad. :)

2009-07-31T09:32:00.000-07:00

So I was on the way home on the bus, and I saw someone driving a really nice two-seater convertible, and then it all started.

I got a bit affected on the emotional side after watching Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, especially when there was that whole part about 'spooning'.

And after what happened on Wednesday, it just made me realise that what I had wanted all along was right in front of me, but I'd been too blinded by material possessions to see that it was just a message away.

Maybe my love will just go dormant and resurface again, but it might go dormant and never come back. Or it might come back, but to go back under my skin again.

Maybe this series of events were meant to shock me into treasuring what I had around me.

Larnchey?

2009-07-31T09:25:00.000-07:00

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images.
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images

No.

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot drive the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

2009-07-29T10:13:00.001-07:00

Pretty baby... oh my pretty baby... my pretty baby... don't you leave me?

2009-07-29T10:04:00.001-07:00

Even after all this time... you're still the one I love.

2009-07-29T00:40:00.000-07:00

2009-07-26T09:01:00.000-07:00

I know she said it's alright

But you can make it up next time

I know she knows it's not right

There ain't no use in lying

Maybe she thinks I know something

Maybe maybe she thinks its fine

Maybe she knows something I don't

I'm so, I'm so tired, I'm so tired of trying

It seems to me that maybe

It pretty much always means no

So don't tell me you might just let it go

And often times we're lazy

It seems to stand in my way

Cause no one no not no one

Likes to be let down

I know she loves the sunrise

No longer sees it with her sleeping eyes

And I know that when she said she's gonna try

Well it might not work because of other ties and

I know she usually has some other ties

And I wouldn't want to break 'em, nah, I wouldn't want to break 'em

Maybe she'll help me to untie this but

Until then well, I'm gonna have to lie to you

It seems to me that maybe

It pretty much always means no

So don't tell me you might just let it go

And often times we're lazy

It seems to stand in my way

Cause no one no not no one

Likes to be let down

It seems to me that maybe

It pretty much always means no

So don't tell me you might just let it go

The harder that you try baby, the further you'll fall

Even with all your money in the whole wide world

Please please please don't pass me

Please please please don't pass me by

Everything you know about me now baby you gonna have to change

You goin to call it by a brand new name

Please please please don't drag me

Please please please don't drag me down

Just like your tree down by the water baby I shall not move

Even after all your silly things you do-oo

Please please please don't drag me

Please please please don't drag me down

2009-07-25T10:30:00.000-07:00

I got my first pair of Levis jeans!

And I wouldn't have guessed that I would have gotten it on such an ubiquitous and mundane occasion...

So yeah I was playing Plants vs. Zombies

(I actually bought the game!)

I was feeling really dull after sleeping for half a day (extreme sleep deficit from the previous day) and I just wanted to loll around at home and maybe go out later in the day... when Sri came into my study while I was watching Ghost of Girlfriends Past (sigh) and asked me if I wanted to buy more clothes (!!!).

Of course! I jumped and so, so many questions flowed through my head and out like mango juice.

"Did my mom strike the lottery?"

"Nah if she did she would have told me..."

"Did she get vouchers?!"

"MOM! WHERE ARE WE GOING. DID YOU GET VOUCHERS?!?!?!"

"No la. Lets go to that new mall at JB Custom...."

My heart sank.

But she managed to persuade me to go... and besides, getting new clothes is always a plus. And she was paying for them!

And we got on the bus and then off and on the bus again and it was really crowded so we stood up and there was a really bad jam and the bus kept jerking and I was really meh so I was so bleh.

Looked outside and the scenery changed really drastically.

I'm sorry but I'm not a very big fan of Malaysia. Its probably due to a couple of bad experiences.

But as we got to the Malaysian customs, I got flabbergasted!

The whole place changed and there was AC and water fountains and nice shiny polished marble floors and there were even stereos playing jingles!

And we went into this mall called Johor Bahru Town Plaza or something, I don't know!

So yeah.

B-up status: Good. Haven't really been thinking much about the person, and I think I had a moment when I realized how dumb the whole thing was.

2009-07-24T09:41:00.000-07:00

Last night was probably the worst night I had in my whole first semester.

I stayed awake till 3 in the morning, before going to bed and waking up at 6.30am for WritCom because I was afraid that I would be late.

But I guess it all paid off. :)

B-up status: Average. Still entertaining fantasies of reinventing what happened before, and contacted the person.

2009-07-22T21:26:00.000-07:00

My heart has been released from its half-English, half-Chinese cage,

(Nope I'm not talking about Huimei)

And has now returned to my chest cavity,

After almost six long months...

I am free.

2009-07-22T04:48:00.000-07:00

You're probably expecting a blog post about last-minute, difficult school asses (like that WritComm outline or that Radio Production thing) but no. :)

2009-07-20T10:02:00.000-07:00

I get all squinty when the sun's too bright.

Luv you huimei! :)

2009-07-20T09:43:00.000-07:00

Watched Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Prince with Vanana, Chun Ming, Christian, Joshua, Yan Jing, WanXuan and Liqi. Nawira came and Wanxuan left after the movie. :)

I am kinda intrigued by the Potter world but I WILL NOT succumb to it.

2009-07-19T09:59:00.000-07:00

So Nawira and I and Vanana decided to make a last minute trip to Miss Clarity's (really campy place I tell you HAHA) to have dinner + dessert today...

And I'll spare you the rest of the details, but we did have a one minute laughing fit over the topic of 'Hugs' and there was one part when we were talking about handphone inboxes, and I decided that I should let go, and delete the messages in my inbox.

Although it was hard, I just closed my eyes and pressed 'delete' and left my handphone in a corner while it eradicated older messages.

Sigh.

2009-07-19T09:55:00.000-07:00

Dinner @ Vivo with Liqi and Chunming :)

Some Amuse Bouche thingy. Potato+pumpkin+tomato

Gelato!

Here begins the flurry of unglam-van-ness-(a)

Hee.

2009-07-19T00:04:00.000-07:00

Went to get a new pair of berms today! I was surprised that I was able to fit into a 29". I haven't been under 30" in almost 10 years!

Back in Primary 6, they didn't have my size for school shorts (36") and my maid had to sew on an extra button for more allowance!

My Sec 4 pants were 34" (which is still kinda huge) and I didn't like to wear them because they were really baggy and I had to wear a belt because my pants kept slipping.

*gleams*

2009-07-18T02:35:00.001-07:00

2009-07-17T23:35:00.003-07:00

And no, the trip to British India didn't help much.

School this week's been great!

The radio capsule assignment wasn't as difficult and stress-inducing as the other pairs put it to be. Wanxuan and I finished it (The write-up, touch ups...) in 3 hours, max. :)

The speech on Friday went okay too. Christian just got really nervous and ended up talking more than he should have and I had to cut out the whole 'Review' part of the speech or we'd go overtime.

I am currently watching Nickelodeon and there's this 'Nickolodeon Original Movie' called Spectacular with just oozes this HSM or Camp Rock or yaddah vibe. It just irks me.

And then there's a Pinoy commercial for some sugar-loaded snack for kids and the commercial jingle went like "What time is it?!" and it made my stomach turn inside-out.

My immunity to such things are really low.

2009-07-17T23:35:00.001-07:00

And no, the trip to British India didn't help much.

School this week's been great!

The radio capsule assignment wasn't as difficult and stress-inducing as the other pairs put it to be. Wanxuan and I finished it (The write-up, touch ups...) in 3 hours, max. :)

The speech on Friday went okay too. Christian just got really nervous and ended up talking more than he should have and I had to cut out the whole 'Review' part of the speech or we'd go overtime.

I am currently watching Nickelodeon and there's this 'Nickolodeon Original Movie' called Spectacular with just oozes this HSM or Camp Rock or yaddah vibe. It just irks me.

And then there's a Pinoy commercial for some sugar-loaded snack for kids and the commercial jingle went like "What time is it?!" and it made my stomach turn inside-out.

My immunity to such things are really low.

2009-07-16T07:23:00.000-07:00

continued...

And 99 days ago, I was calling my best friend from a pay phone at Dover MRT,

Unaware of what would be in store for me.

With that huge bag on my back,

I constantly checked my hair and gussied up in the mirror at the toilet,

Making sure that I looked my best.

I sought comfort in the 20 degree 7-11 air-conditioner which was blowing out whenever the door opened.

I found a dollar in the coin return slot in the pay phone.

I memorized the call tone that I heard whenever I dialed your number.

2009-07-16T05:12:00.001-07:00

Its been 14 weeks and a day since that faithful night.

99.

And it'll be a 100 tomorrow.

Why does 100 have to be such a significant number?

Maybe its because I've spent every single one of those 100 days thinking of you.

And on the 100th day, something might just change.

Its a departure, an emancipation from you.

Blue Subaru SUVs or Subaru cars or SUVs of any brand,

Corgis, or people with a hairline like yours,

Triathletes, Sheffield, Hot Fuzz, or Singapore Exchange,

Will be just what they are.

There's no more connotation behind them.

Just what they are on the outside.

(and the color of the font in this post is green. Its just really dark, green.)

2009-07-13T07:11:00.001-07:00

Okay I cannot believe that I actually thought of skipping school today, because I experienced so much today.

Started the day with an IS lesson and we had a debate about Globalization and after that we watched a movie/documentary on a maid's life in Singapore.

It was really, really good.

I'll spare you the details, but there was one part when the maid finally found a really nice employer who didn't necessarily shower her with lots of love and understanding, but there was this senile old man who regarded her as his wife, asking her to sing to him, and it was just so touching when he sang to her too.

And when he died, his daughter cried and embraced the domestic helper, and the domestic helper actually patted her employer's back and comforted her, and she too, cried.

It was just a really touching scene.

I could really empathize with these domestic workers because I've grown up with one, always by my side, and I have witnessed many (maids who work for other members of the family) who were dismissed because they couldn't cook well, they couldn't understand English or were just incapable of doing housework.

They came here to work because they needed money desperately, and maybe, instead of just brandishing them because they don't know how to operate a washing machine because they've prolly never seen one before, we could have taught them how to use them.

Sigh.

And yeah the rest of the day was much better. Went to King Albert Park to have Cinnamon Melts (Eve's treat!) and we ended up talking about depressing stuff again and it made me realize, even more, how similar our predicaments were.

Went back to school to work on our Radio Production assignment and it was fun, hanging out in that huge room with that recording studio attached to it like a dick and and I was spinning around on the chairs whee.

After that we went to watch Hot Fuzz and one of the actors just reminded me about Dyason. The hair, the looks, the accent... Why are you doing this to me?

Its like you paid the people to wear spandex and ride down the roads in their bikes, next to my window seat while I'm on the bus, to pose as triathletes, or pay my school money to show this movie with this actor which looked so much like you, or send Blue Subaru SUVs down the road, next to me, just to remind me of you, which would in turn, torment me so very much.

And hopefully, it'll stop. I'll be skaddadling to British India on Friday and maybe that's when I'll move on.

Hopefully.

2009-07-12T00:11:00.000-07:00

Nawira and I were getting down the weird slope-y drain outside King Albert Park's McDonald's.

When we saw something weird in the drain.

"Is that Morocco?"

"Yeah it is!"

So we jumped right in.

And true enough...?

2009-07-11T09:36:00.000-07:00

I had a dream,

About you and I, last night.

We were happy, holding hands,

Ignoring stares and surprisingly, there happened to be none.

We were walking about in a mall, and you were wearing a pair of SJI PE shorts.

I woke up, with a smile on my face.

But it turned into a frown.

Dreams last, so long...

Even after your gone.

I know, that you love me and,

Soon, you will see...

You were meant for me,

And I, was meant for you.

2009-07-10T07:24:00.000-07:00

Okay just to sum up on what I accidently deleted, I did a post on how much I detest durians, 10 things that would make my mom flip if she found out, I proclaimed how much I love t106 and Evelyn and Ievan, talked about Dyason I think, and hopefully that's about it. I feel really meh for deleting my posts. Sigh.

2009-07-10T07:22:00.000-07:00

Oh goodness I just deleted the last 25 posts I did while trying to clear my archives.

I feel lost. :(

2009-06-08T02:09:00.001-07:00

A really horrible weakend just passed.

Went out with Wanxuan, Chunming and Christian (and Vanana later on), and Wanxuan got sick in the taxi and Chunming was hopelessly drunk and Christian was hopefully emo and I was alright.

Then met Ashu and Ievan and slept over at my place, for 4 hours, before getting up at 5.30am to head to Singapore Idol. Got there at 6.30am, ended up getting sunburnt due to 10 hours in the hot sun.

And guess what? We were sent home after being told to register and get a number.

Proceeded to Aston's with Evelyn and Edmund and went home, then went back the next day.

FINALLY got to audition after waiting for 5 hours (most of which in a nice icy cold cinema theatre) and despite singing rather dismally, I managed to clear the first round of auditions.

Sigh.

2009-06-06T07:48:00.000-07:00

I arose from slumber, on the bus, from Park Mall, to Bukit Timah.

My eyes weary, my head stuck.

My mind drew a connection, a parallel, like most human minds do.

I remembered the last time I had such severe sleep deprivation.

8th April 2009, when I was dropped at Tanjong Pagar, off a Subaru.

Scurrying to the bus stop, amongst the working class, with a haversack.

The 700 came, got on it and slept.

Woke up, my eyes weary, my head stuck.

The night before, purely spent, locked in hugs and wet kisses and sweet, sweet love.

Now, all the magic's gone with just a shadow of a memory.

Something just went wrong, I can't go on make believing.

No more making sweet, sweet love.

Sober up.

2009-06-06T05:31:00.000-07:00

A tiring, sunburny day.

2009-06-04T08:28:00.000-07:00

<3 you so much T106!

2009-06-03T09:56:00.001-07:00

I promise that this WILL be a woe-free blog post.

I had a revelation today. I could remove the battery from my MacBook and plug it to mains and it'll run! All those months of battery leakage...

Another revelation.

I was on the bus when the sunlight suddenly came shining in my face and as I was looking out the window I saw my reflection and I got startled. I was flabbergasted my face was actually zit-less and kinda smooth. (Compared to the week before when I had a serious breakout.) The zit on my nose bridge also dried up but why am I blogging about zitties?

Right now the diva of the moment is Toni Braxton. I got bored of Shania. And right now its mostly Toni Braxton, with a little bit of Whitney Houston's "The Bodyguard", and maybe some singles from Daydream from Mariah or Make It Happen.

Can't wait for tomorrow! \o/

2009-06-03T03:01:00.001-07:00

And yeah! I can't wait for tomorrow. Its going to be a nice, sunny, fun day out with my dears from T10sex.

2009-06-03T02:55:00.000-07:00

So a lot of things have happened.

Adam Lambert comes out, Megan Fox is NOT a man, Jennifer Hudson gets preggers, Kanye gets in fight with P!nk over fur.

And I'm still really confused about what this means.

Even after drunk SMS-ing you something really crude and blunt, you still talk to me online and attempt at giving me a life lesson.

What the fuck are you thinking?

But it doesn't really matter, because I'm letting go of you a little more, every single day.

2009-05-31T07:18:00.000-07:00

I ended my brief Tournament Director stint and although it was really stressful and tiring and there were really little profits (that's quite debatable), I kinda enjoyed it.

I was exposed to the extremities of logistical planning and my time management and social skills yaddah were put to the test.

But things didn't go too badly, I hope. :)

So yeah! I've been told that my blog has been very very hormonal (don't worry you're not the only one who said so :P), but its true. I was apparently so sickened by all that negative energy bottled up inside me over the period of many, many weeks. And last Thursday was the drop of the bottle that made it start to leak.

Please understand... if love ends....

Then I promise you, I promise you that I shall never breathe again....

That I shall never breathe again...

2009-05-30T05:58:00.000-07:00

<3>

2009-05-29T03:32:00.001-07:00

I'm so sorry you had to see me like that.

2009-05-29T00:59:00.000-07:00

A picture of me before all the bad stuff happened.

Okay anyway, I got overwhelmed by the past and Dyason and I broke down in class but I'm alright now and thanks, T106 for being so caring and understanding.

2009-05-28T08:34:00.000-07:00

2009-05-26T09:07:00.001-07:00

I finished the Radio Assignment! Woo :

2009-05-25T08:01:00.000-07:00

I'm so sorry for not linking you, Tricia, even after you've linked me! Its just that I'm really down and I'm in no mood for tedious HTML shitty things that get on my nerves.

Sooo! Monday was really, really good. Although it started off pretty badly.

Woke up 10 minutes earlier to offset my late cycle. I've been slightly late for all my lectures/tutorials and I figured I should make a change. :)

I was surprisingly, early, and arrived before Ashu and Evelyn!

I kinda did dismally for my 4th IS journal... I really expected a lot more from it but I guess that I'll have to buck up on my other assignments. There's no use crying over spilt milk.

So yeah, after IS, Evelyn and I went to Far East and shopped and she bought this new pair of shoes and a skirt (DRESS?), and I bought two t-shirts. Then we went back to school and watched American Beauty.

At first, it sounded like some Chick Flick/Comedy but it was really, really good. They try to make you dismiss the movie as some predictable and boring movie but there really is an unexpected twist of events.

This time, I could really relate to one of the characters.

When will that day ever come?

And here's a recap of what happened over the weekend.

I went out with my classmates from T106 (love you guys!) and Christian's pretty friend Sharmian (who is really, really nice.) and I got tipsy and drunkmessaged someone. You guys should know who.

2009-05-23T09:19:00.000-07:00

I am drunk.

And it just made me think about you again.

Should I just message you out of my drunken stupor and blame my drunken state of mind for it?

Maybe I should.

2009-05-21T07:17:00.000-07:00

"Come sit next to me. Your counseling session starts in 5."

2009-05-20T10:25:00.000-07:00

First time I actually LAN-ed today. (That's embarrassing.)

But it was free and we had really comfy chairs and Senheisser headsets and razr mice or something and it was all free so... :D

2009-05-18T09:25:00.000-07:00

So one prospect doesn't give a damn about me.

And another one doesn't like people of my type.

And another one already has a second half.

So what now? How now? Brown Cow?

2009-05-17T07:05:00.000-07:00

It feels kinda refreshing to breakaway from the music on my iPod and return to my iTunes library.

I've added Jack Johnson's songs to it and it really is good homework music!

2009-05-16T23:31:00.000-07:00

Whenever I log into one of my accounts and key in the password, I end up questioning myself.

"Do I still love you?"

And I'll keep asking myself that question, every single time I type in my password.

And one day, when I do stop, I'll change it.

2009-05-16T07:03:00.000-07:00

<3 423

2009-05-14T08:56:00.000-07:00

Even though I try, I can't let go...